10 – 08×18 – My Finale. “For the record, he was the best that ever came through this dump. John Dorian was the first and only doctor I ever met who cared as much as I do. And you can forget about him being just an exceptional physician because the fact of the matter is…he’s a damn exceptional person. That’s why people gravitated to him. That’s why I did. He was my friend.”
09 - 02×06 – My Big Brother. “You don’t want to get on Bambi’s bad side, and suffer the wrath of Bambi!”
08 – 07×04 – My Identity Crisis. “Jordan: I came to tell you that I’m taking the kids to my mother’s for the weekend. And, seeing that you’re not allowed within forty feet from her house… Cox: Ah, the restraining order. Jordan: [smiling] Ahhh, Christmas memories…”
07 – 04×11 – My Unicorn. “I love this moment so much I would cheat on that other moment from before, marry this one and raise a family of tiny, little moments.”
06 – 06×06 – My Musical. “I haven’t sung since the sixth grade talent show when I sang Pat Benatar’s “Hell Is For Children”. Then at the end, Mr. Shaman the emcee said “No, hell is for everyone who heard you sing that song.” My mom was so mad at him that she slept with him and ruined his marriage.”
05 - 05×21 – My Fallen Idol. “Carla: What? Jack: Daddy drinks a lot. Jordan: First complete sentence. Fantastic!”
04 – 04×03 – My New Game. “You know what? I’ve got a son, I don’t fantasize about Jordan dying as much anymore, and, even though it wasn’t planned, I’m actually pretty happy about the way this whole marriage thing has worked out. Sooo, would you please stop your chirping and step away from my personal life?”
03 – 02×15 – His Story. ” Kelso: Perry! Hi. How are you, et cetera. The wife and I just took out a new insurance policy and I need a physical. Cox: Bob, the day I willingly cradle your dusty old twig and berries and get a whiff of your chronic halitosis while you turn your head and cough, is the day you can look for me up on the roof singing “I Believe I Can Fly.” Kelso: Great stuff. See you about two-ish.”
02 - 03×14 – My Screw Up. “Jordan: It’s Jack’s first birthday. I want it to be special. I got a petting zoo for the kids, and we need to figure out something great for the adults. Cox: How ’bout a russian roulette booth, and, here’s the kicker. We put bullets in all the chambers. That way, everybody wins.”
01 – 01×15 – My Bed Banter & Beyond. “Relationships don’t work the way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won’t they? And then they finally do, and they’re happy forever. Gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I’m telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic.”